Celibacy: Last Day

BEWARE THE IDES OF MARCH.

I am aware that my celibacy is a slightly short month... like a February. Black history and celibacy get the short end of the stick on this one, but the symbolism of Valentine's day to the Ides of March is too good to mess with.

Tomorrow is the Ides of March. The date Julius Caesar was stabbed and killed. I don't know about killing, but ladies, beware the Ides of March because some stabbing is bound to go down. Heyo.

Celibacy: Day 21

I'm sure you're all wondering how the date went and I am sure you are wondering because you're concerned about my general well-being and happiness and not because you are the type to stop and photograph a train wreck. You hope that it went well and that I maintained my celibacy, despite having a deep and meaningful connection with this girl. You all hope, in fact, that my celibacy simply strengthened our bond and opened my eyes to the path to love. Right?... Liars. You're all full of shit.

I should start by pointing out something that I learned about OKCupid and the graph in my last post. It wasn't a graph of her compared to me, it was a graph of her compared to the average OKCupid user so my last entry was full of some bullshit and I retract, correct and apologize.

The date went fine, though awkwardly. She was even prettier in person which of course turned me in to a bumbling idiot, but I managed to keep my shit together for the most part. She taught me to play an Italian card game called Scopa. We played cards and chatted over coffee. Nothing of note to the positive or negative.

Normally if a first date goes well I will go in for the kiss. If it doesn't go well, I will go in for the kiss anyhow because what have I got to lose? Certain things can throw this off like a borderline OK date with a girl I'd like to see again and celibacy.

I was clever and charming with some post date texting, securing a second date. But then...

By Monday i was firming up a movie and some drinks when I got an email from her giving me the whole "in full disclosure." Apparently a casual relationship she had been in went beyond casual over the weekend (I have that effect on women). Anyhow, we decided to do the movie anyhow, just with the good ol' "as friends" tacked on.

I didn't receive much lady advice growing up but one thing than was instilled in me was "bitches be crazy."

Yours Celibately,

Me

Celibacy: Day 17 - Date

I'm a sex on the first date kind of guy. Not one of those guys who dumps a girl who won't put out on the first date, but I'm nothing if not a man of passion and most of my best relationships have started with first date sex. I have no qualms about it and have been known to get stuck in the friend zone when it doesn't happen that way.

I have a date this afternoon with a girl from OKCupid who is rather adorable and innocent looking. Then I clicked the tab that shows this graph.

For those of you who don't know, OKCupid has a bunch of questions that you can answer about various topics to determine your personality so that it can compare you with easy to read graphs. The one here shows which personality traits she is rated higher than me on and by how much. More sex-driven, passion-driven, kinky, experienced in sex and sloppy?! How is that even possible? I am in for a world of hurt.

I am now pouring a little Bailey's in my coffee and hoping that you'll join me in toasting day 18 of celibacy.

Celibacy: Day 16- Still At It.

I haven't posted in a few days and you all thought that meant I had failed didn't you? Well I didn't. The force is strong with this one. Nature did however handle the problem on its own but I will spare you the details since for the people that I know, this blog is gross enough as it is, but it was then that I realized (Have you ever noticed Carrie Bradshaw says that in every single episode of Sex and the City?): Celibacy is a load of shit.

I didn't realize that celibacy is a load of shit in definite terms yet. It just hasn't really done what I expectected. In fact, it has done the opposite. Instead of clearing my head and allowing me to concentrate my energies on things besides sex, it just makes me think about it more. It's the slingshot effect. The more I try to pull myself one way, the farther I am going to shoot the other.

On day 13, I thought I was going to lose it. I was going a little nuts and was starting to worry about the effects, but when mother nature gave me the happy ending package, I felt clear headed (pun intended) again. I will give it the additional 2 weeks mostly because I want to prove that I can do it but also because it may make differences in things that I haven't experienced yet in my 16 days of celibacy. For instance, I have a first date tomorrow.. with a very attractive young lady.. who I will not have the sex with...