Celibacy: Day Seven

Celibacy is hard (people love to use the word hard when talking about my celibacy). One week is long enough to have justification to bitch, right? What kind of fucking moron could be having sex and isn't? I am not even morally against sex in any way or form whatsoever.

Have sex before marriage; I don't give a shit. Lord knows you won't be having any after (according to popular situation comedies). Have sex with men, women, men and women, yourself, your ex-girlfriend and farm animals if they find a way to give consent. First date, after marriage, with strangers or for money. I don't care. Use toys, restraints, whips, swings, special pillows, handcuffs, nipple clamps and cock rings. No judgement here. Blow up dolls, Real Dolls, dildos, Fleshlights, glory-holes, a hole drilled in a melon or a pie. Go for it. Doggy style, froggy style, missionary, 69, butterfly, cowgirl, reverse-cowgirl, lotus. It's all good. Have sex in a house with a mouse, in a box with a fox, here there anywhere. I don't care.

Just remember: there's no sex in the champagne room or with me for the next 3 weeks, because I am a fucking moron.